Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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