Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
