ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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