i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
