too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
