I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
