You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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