She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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