I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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