Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
