Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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