Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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