Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
