just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
