There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
