I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
