I am in a vortex of obligation.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my shit smells like andre
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
