Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
