My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
