we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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