take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
