theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
