Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
