Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
