been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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