therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
