So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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