Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
