i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
