and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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