Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
