I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
