Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
