I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
