Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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