I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and she was petting her beer can
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
