YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
