you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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