The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
