I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
