WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
