great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
