The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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