Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
