never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There r osticjed everywhere
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
