so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
