i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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