was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
