just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
