I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
