This girl is more easily done than said...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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