i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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