I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
