I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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