How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
