Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
