Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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