remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
