Did you just see the Batmobile???
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
