Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
