My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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