I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
