I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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