That's intense
she was so not down for the gang bang
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
