Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize