I am in a vortex of obligation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
