do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
