I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
