that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
