and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
