chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize