if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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