The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
