I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
