There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
