and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
