"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
